St Anthony's Fire by Mark Gatiss
In Brief: A war-torn planet inhabited by lizard-people holds a terrible secret.
Don't they all?
Meanwhile, Ace finds God (or an approximation thereof). Then stuff blows up.
I'm glad that after the recent run of sub-par books (and by sub-par I mean "written by chimps at a typewriter") at least Mark Gatiss knows how to manage a decent prose-style. While St Anthony's Fire has problems (as in it's not really that good) at least it has decent prose, actual dramatic tension, and most importantly a plot. After the meandering messes I've have to endure since at least Theatre of War (5 or so books back) I was just happy to feel like I was reading a proper novel again and not feel like I was reading the weekend-work that a random Doctor Who fan decided to submit to the publishers (Strange England, this means you).
However if this sounds like damning with faint praise it is. While the style of the book kept me reading and interested again Gatiss just can't seem to manage to put together a story that satisfyingly hangs together. While entertaining everything seems to just be a lot of running around until The Doctor wires something together at the end to defeat the big baddie (in this case a giant planet-sized blob of goo). Also a few normal Gatiss issues rear their heads (familiar to anyone who has seen the stories he's written for the show since 2005).
Waaaaay back in the mists of time, while reading his novel Nightshade I found that Gatiss seems to have an issue with female characters. The problem is that he can't seem to write them as anything other than useless moaners and he likes to make them suffer. St Anthony's Fire continues the trend but is actually worse in that other than Benny and Ace there are *no* female characters present. Amazingly Benny seems to fare well (although she does get tied up a lot more than usual) Ace is pretty much absent from most of the book (due to being kidnapped by an intergalactic group of religious zealots who wipe her memory). The rest of the characters are either butch soldiers or campy priests.
Even once Ace is back to "normal" she's at her most subdued since coming back as "New" Ace, although considering what a disaster that version of the character has turned out to be it actually turns out to be a blessing. It's the first time in a long time that the character has even slightly come close to what we saw on TV during the late 1980s.
As for the plot, it combines a Planet of the WWII lizard-men with an invading force of broad religious-satire. I suspect that Gatiss was forced to go to one too many Catholic-masses as a child and here wants to get his revenge. Large portions of the book are given over to describing the activities of the Intergalactic Chapter of St Anthony who roam the galaxy destroying and burning all non-believers (so basically everyone). I think we also get a bit of a look into some of the darker recesses of the author's mind as with a great deal of description of the Chapter's leader Magna Yong and his muscular body, skimpy skin-tight clothing and beautiful Asian features with flowing black hair. Not to mention his taste for tiger-bone tea, telephones made from the remains of gorillas and love of relaxation through skewering kittens.
But Gatiss' issues aside the book isn't too bad and is a good quick read. After the slogs of the past few New Adventures (in particular the painful First Frontier) this was a welcome change. But I still feel like the series has been in a bit of a rut for a while and in need of a shake-up. Thankfully I know one is coming soon (hint: New Ace is finally going bye-bye).
It's also notable how this book is definitely not suitable for the under-15s (what with the in-depth descriptions of torture and all) which shows how Doctor Who in the 90s was really seen as a "cult" enterprise. I'm so glad that since coming back in 2005 the franchise has been aimed at a family audience (as in to be watched by all ages) again rather than keeping just to the Star Trek/Buffy demographic (aka geeky losers). It would never have been a success otherwise.
First Frontier by David A. McIntee
In Brief: Plod plod 1950s New Mexico plod UFOs and little grey men plod plod plod Ace blows stuff up plod It's...The Master!
*sigh*
ZZZZZzzzzzzz.
Sorry, what was that about again? A conspiracy involving the US government and some aliens.
Or something.
One of the characters turns out to be The Master.
Stuff blows up.
All of David A. McIntee's problems from White Darkness are back, but this time 10x worse. Poor prose, boring characters, a lack of any sort of dramatic tension, etc. This book took me more than twice as long to get through than any other book in the series so far for a very good reason, I just couldn't muster any enthusiasm for it. I know most people would have just stopped and moved on, but stupid masochistic me just can't do what's right.
What's aggravating was that there wasn't really anything completely awful in the book, and every so often there'd be a bit verging on almost good. It's just that this was possibly the most unenthusiastic and lifeless book in the range so far. McIntee doesn't so much write prose as much as describe events. It's like he *really* wanted to write a whiz-bang all-action Doctor Who movie and this is its novelisation. Even the regulars were dreary let alone any of the minor characters (and it takes special skill to make Benny boring). Not a one is in any way memorable.
And then there's The Master, a crap character at the best of times and here in total camp-villain mode. Here he turns up still changing into a Cheetah-person after the events of 1989's "Survival" (don't ask). Although after getting his hands on some alien nanites and he gets better.
Or something.
But then he's shot by Ace, stumbles into his Tardis and regenerates in a glowing blaze into a younger skinnier version.
Now why does that seem familiar?
Sorry, I'm losing the plot a bit here. First Frontier was a dreary chore. I'm very glad I'm finished it and can move on to something new...
Oh crap, the next book is written by Mark "Victory of the Daleks" Gatiss.
*sob*
Strange England by Simon Messingham
In Brief: The Doctor, Benny and Ace land in England, although it's an England that's strange. A Strange England. Where Strange things happen. But it turns out to not be the *real* England. Just a STRAAAANGE ENGLAND.
strange. strange strange strange. bizarro.
I remember, back in the mists of time (well, last August), when I started re-reading The New Adventures I was full of enthusiasm and somewhat surprised by the quality of many of the books (in a good way). Unfortunately that initial energy seems to be somewhat abating after what's been a bit of a run of mediocrity. I wonder if the pressure of putting out a book in this series each month (as well as for The Missing Adventures) was starting to take its toll by late 1994. Since The Left-Handed Hummingbird I've felt more like I've been reading first drafts rather than fully formed and edited novels.
However Strange England isn't a difficult or boring read, it's just that it felt like Messingham (another first-time author I see...) didn't so much write a book as throw together a bunch of random ideas. So we have:
-giant insects lodging themselves in the throats of Victorian school-girls
-a spooky mansion with killer vegetation
-glowing angels
-Time Lords
-a finale featuring thousands of rampaging mutants threatening crucifixion in a hellish fiery landscape.
Quite often Doctor Who (both in novel and on TV) is successfully able to mix together somewhat disparate items (aka Werevolves vs. Queen Victoria, Martian Pyramids & Egyptian Gods, etc.). Unfortunately that doesn't happen in Strange England so the "reason" for all of the Strange seems more like a last-minute excuse rather than an integral part of the plot. Basically very little in the book is real, and even the stuff that happens in the "real" universe makes little sense. I find the "it all happened in a virtual landscape/fake universe" excuse for having a story filled with oddities to be comperable with the "it was all a dream" cop-outs one gets with other genres.
After 250 pages of STRANGE! it turns out that everything is really all one big virtual landscape created by a previously unheard of Time Lady who had plugged herself into her TARDIS (Don't ask me why, I can't remember.) which The Doctor & Co just happen to stumble upon. The other big issue is that the final stretch of the book moves away from the random yet effective psuedo-Victorian setting into a realm of technobabble that would make an episode of Star Trek blush.
However the strange thing (yes, I know) is that the book wasn't an awful read in the way that some of the others have been, the author's writing style is actually quite good. The problem is just that the plotting and narrative is so awful no amount of quality prose can make up for it. While I've had the same complaint before during the series I think this time it bugged me more because it's been a while since there's been a *really good* book. It's like with the show itself, I can take bad episodes as long as there are good ones to level things out (for every Evolution of the Daleks there's a Family of Blood) but when things are mediocre for a long stretch I tend to get a bit bored (i.e. The Catherine Tate year).
Plus I can't believe there was ever a time when someone thought that what Doctor Who needed was a war-hardened plastic-leotard wearing gun-toting version of Ace. The character at this point is making the likes of Tegan and Martha seem well-rounded in comparison.
But yeah, Strange England = not good. Hopefully better is now to come...
