NA #41 Zamper

Zamper by Gareth Roberts

In Brief: The hidden warship-building planet of Zamper holds a Terrible Secret.

Don't they all?

Giant turtles are involved.

The quality of The New Adventures, over the (dear lord) 40+ books I've now read, have ranged from Excellent to Alright to Terrible to the depths of "My Eyes! My Precious Eyes!". I say this because while Zamper is not-a-very-good-book (a ranking just above Terrible) I say so more since it's a disappointment rather than it being the affront to my sanity that a few of these books have been.

The one with the psychic space-squirrels still gives me nightmares.

I should have expected that I wouldn't be impressed by the book considering that this is one of the few novels in the range for which I had absolutely no memory. Almost every other book in the New Adventures I recall some sort of snippet or event at least, however Zamper was a complete blank.

The plot: The Doctor & Co. crash on a planet that produces the galaxy's best warships through a lightly manned (4 people) underground base. Also present are a couple of The Chelonians (giant militaristic turtles last seen in Roberts' The Highest Science) who are buying a ship with which to reclaim past glories, or something. However the automated "Management" that runs the facility is breaking down, and the slug-like Zamps, who actually construct the ships are beginning to act very odd indeed.

The biggest problem with the book is that for the first 3/4rds or so nothing much really happens. Most of the characters just wander around the facility bitching at each other while The Doctor heads into some underground caves where he spends almost all of the book. With a less than interesting setting (a planet that looks like a quarry with purple skies. I thought these books were supposed to give us things *not* seen in the original series) and forgettable characters a decent plot would have at least livened things up. Unfortunately that decent plot is nowhere to be found here, as mentioned things sort of meander along until a "twist" (spoiler: The Zamps and The Management are actually EVIL (Bwahahahah!)) towards the end moves everything into silly-action territory.

Gareth Roberts has done his best, his writing style is still very good and up until the last act there's still a sense that there will be a decent pay-off. It's just that pay-off never happens and instead everything is concluded with everything and everyone (who isn't a regular) blowing up. As for the regulars, The Doctor is pretty much side-lined throughout although Benny does get some good bits when interacting with the Chelonians. Having Ace leave has been a definitely benefit to her character. However Chris & Roz have yet to show any real spark as part of the Tardis crew; Roz in particular suffering as she seems more and more like Ace-light in her stories so far.

So while I didn't find reading Zamper to be a chore (at least it's short), I did find it to be a completely sub-par entry in the series. While there have been worse Doctor Who stories (much, much worse) written that's hardly a defence of the book. No part of Roberts' effort here even seem to be trying to rise above mediocre, which is a shame for an author who normally manages to write something much better. I suspect that my new memories of this book will once again be quickly forgotten...